the devil strikes back

right after that last post, i went through all the times i felt i was betrayed or hurt or wronged by my best friends and felt anger and hatred rise up inside. thank God i can breathe or else i’d probably blow up. so is it best to sit down and be like YO, this is what angered me, or to work that out inside and come to terms with it and just let that shit slide?

I used to think sitting down and talking it all out helped, now I think that the internal struggle is more important. Every time me and my friends get together we do exactly that and hash through all of our hang ups and slowly i have noticed that our bonds get stronger and stronger and our ability to resist the devil gets stronger too. tribal councils are opportunities to dispel the devil yet again. We even have our own medicine-laced ceremonies to help us combat the prince of lies. its an ongoing struggle and eventually we will have to leave the ceremony behind and just do battle naked, clothed only in the iron bonds forged through repeated clashes laced with the gold of shared wonderment.

and it IS important because when i die i want to know that not only do i have enough money to keep my kids from begging, but i am on as harmonic terms as possible with my people. What will my kids want from me, my cash or my golden memories?

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Sascha Matuszak

4 thoughts on “the devil strikes back

  1. How blessed is your future, and all those who share it with you because you do not run from bluntly confronting yourself. It is brutal to confront demons, to recognize rage whether it is righteous rage and seemingly justified, or disproportionate to events. The recognition of extreme emotional responses, and deeply questioning your own motives, are all levels to expanding and deepening your own awareness. For many men, the self-analysis of rage is complicated because of associations of rage with violence. But the internal steps to understanding your own rage require you to have control of that very rage. Without such control, you cannot truly explore all of the deepest and darkest recesses of your own soul. Such self-exploration is the province of the great warriors, those who understand the connection between weakness and strength, need and want, community and individualism.

    Perhaps women are insane; maybe we are all a bit insane. On the other hand, the likelihood is far greater that there is insanity in our world of fast-paced living, fractured relationships, to say nothing of the clowns running this country. At the most basic of human needs, we probably all want pretty much the same thing: to love and be loved. When all of the bs is stripped away, when pretenses and game-playing are abandoned, the reality of male-female commonality is revealed. That men and women are also so different is the great mystery. But a relationship that is peaceful, respectful, loving, exciting and fun is certainly out there with that right someone. Warriors come from both genders, although their battles are different.

    Your kids will surely take your cash but they would also trade it all back in a heartbeat to have their dad back. There is no amount of cash that can ever equal the magnitude of loving deeply. Your kids will read through all your writings, speak of all the memories of time shared, the laughter, and they will make fun of your foibles. And, somewhere in that great hereafter (if there is one), you will swell with joy because those kids are laughing. The laughter, love, and genuine conversations that you have with your kids will matter more than all the cash in the world.

    I wish for you a partner in such a journey, someone to love, someone to laugh with, and someone who will care for you every day of your life – someone who will be the mother of those children.

    Aristotle opined that “without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.” But Aristotle also taught that the search for self-awareness is “the consciousness of being alive.” So keep thinking, keep searching – your friends are a necessary part of your journey and how good those friends are!

  2. i am gonna say thanks because you sound like you woke up in a gutter and found God and no man is more sincere then he who wakes up in a gutter and finds God.

  3. Beautifully written, both your post and the first comment by Anonymous (who deserves a name). Asia misses you, man. When you coming home?

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