Greasy Hair

my hair is getting long again. it is my last hurrah before baldness forces me to shave what’s left in order to be “bald, but skin-bald” which is cooler than fuzzy or crown bald. anyway. i have a few years of long hair left in me before its all over and i have to go to the Asian countryside to find a woman willing to marry me.

Till then, i will stay naked. the other day i was standing at a bus stop and all of a sudden this girl runs up to me and is like “omigod omigod omigod! Are you Ma Shan?” And i was like “Oh hell yes girl, whatchu think” and she was like “omigod omigod OMIGOD!”turns out she watched me whip my homie 10z’s ass in chess one day and since then has been madly in love. she is younger than my little sister. jesus lord. anyway she calls me “The General” cuz of the way I acted while i was playing chess. She was like “you always seem to know the right thing to do and just always have a plan and (sigh) omigod…” this girl has NO clue.

She saw me once, at a coffeshop for 10 minutes, in which we exchanged 20 words, 5 years ago when she was 15! fell for my BS and now, age 20, after seeing me at the bus stop, man i dont know. maybe she thinks the stars have all fallen down around her and she is surrounded by dancing lights and jesus i dont know what little girls be thinking anymore. i’m goin bald for God’s sake. so she came over to the crib with her best friend today and her hound, a crazy golden retriever. we chilled in the sun of my supa-dope courtyard and sipped tea. we watched my cats watch her dog.

Her friend said “nice to meet you” then was like “so yo, which would you rather give up, your soul or your self-respect?” I was like “uhhhhhh” and i knew what the deal was so i corrected her. Her man is out messin around, i figured, which turned out to be true. But she LOVES him so what to do? I said “Girl, it aint yer soul yer tradin, that is above all of this petty man-woman tomfoolery — you want to choose between your heart’s desire and your self-respect” she was like “oooooooooooooooh” and i was like “so yo, put like that whatchu gonna do” and she was like “fuck that fool!”

so i cockblocked some dude i guess. or freed some girl. whatever. my widow’s peaks reach back to my ass. I got a job with Lonely Planet, looks like. I suppose they’ll give me an assignment sometime this year. That would be dope. And i am working on a project for the gov, putting together a collection of essays.

I just talked to an old squeeze in the US. (hey girl!) and … well we had a nice reunion a while back, but i think we have both realized that we aint the One for each other. Kinda sad i guess. I rolled through the planet a few times the past couple of years and the last few times i was checkin out old squeezes to see what the deal is. this particular girl, well i thought maybe maybe. shit. me and Scott Baio nookin for nub

now i know that i haven’t met her yet.

Or perhaps i have. She just turned 18. and in 8 years i will be chillin in Kuala Lampur vacationing after a hard session of canoeing, when this girl will roll up and be like

“well well well … never thought i’d see you again”

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Sascha Matuszak

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