Foreign Men, Represent

If I were single and still in the Game, I would hold myself and all others to an oath of silence on the sociological phenomenon of overeducated, fine-lookin, lonely young ladies populating Starbuxes all across China. But I am out of the game and busy raising two of the most handsome muggle men this world will ever see. If Chinese women are still searching for love by the time my sons reach their prime, then I can look forward to twilight years living vicariously through their benevolent efforts to bring contentment to the superhot outta-sight Chinese ladies out there in 2030.

But until that day, I call upon all you supermarket shopping laowai – with one hand on that cup of Nescafe on the other on some nasty hoz leg – to wake up to the aroma of gourmet coffee wafting through the air, searching for some nostrils, any nostrils, that can and will appreciate the excellence before it fades away with the evening wind …

Too often I see you drunken fools walk home with some scandalous ho because it’s easy. I know, you don’t have to tell me why. I too was drunk and foolish and I too shopped at walmart even when the specialty shop was throwing a grand sale … It’s too easy for you and you might as well take the girl who plops her soft booty into your lap rather than pursue the Queen across the room, watching you be wak and wondering to herself,

“Do all men want stupid?”

I urge you to reply with an emphatic Hell No.

It ain’t easy for them Chinese Ladies

Most of the Chinese men I meet here are interested in a wife who will “play her role” and not really get in the way. Marriage here is a cultural and social “must” and has become somewhat of a burden. Old men and women spend nights in Shanghai’s People’s Park matching their sons and daughters while the youth party in the bars as if it were 1999 because, for many, it is. Especially for the women. Marriage means children means being at home means … all those dreams are over now. You are a mother and the whole clan closes ranks behind the ideal of what you should be and not what you are.

The beauty of a union has been sapped out until marriage is but an exchange of goods: my womb for your house. Nobody really wants that, but in a society like this one, ruled (behind the scenes) by the 50-something women with red skyscraper perms and painted eyebrows, what you want does not matter.

(Update 4/29: It seems there are some out there who are perfectly happy with exchanging womb for home, Tea Leaf Nation has more..)

And so women resist and rebel. Chinese women are doing business, making decisions, marrying later and striving for the life they dream of, not the life dictated by the ayis of the street. In doing so, they have made themselves undesirable, as Christina Larson writes in Foreign Policy:

“According to an old proverb, “The emperor’s daughter need never fret about finding a husband.” But Wang Feng, a sociologist and director of the Brookings-Tsinghua Center for Public Policy, is eager to explain why the old legend just isn’t true: “I’ve checked, and daughters of the imperial family actually had trouble getting married. They tended to wed much later,” he told me.

It just so happens that with China’s economic boom, more and more women are now sharing the dilemma of the emperors’ daughters. In 1982, just 5 percent of urban Chinese women ages 25 to 29 were unmarried, according to Wang. By 1995, that percentage had doubled. By 2008, it had nearly tripled. Most of these women will eventually marry, yet the percentage of women in their 30s who are single, though relatively small, is also multiplying quickly: In 1995, just 2 percent of urban Chinese women ages 30 to 34 were unmarried. By 2008, 6 percent were.

Tellingly, the least likely to marry are the most educated.”

Consider the above passage before moving on. Emperor’s daughters …. most educated … unmarried …

So I am going to leave comments about the society out for now, because it’s not really my point or my problem. If China wants to spurn the best ladies in the nation, so be it.

This missive goes out to YOU, laowai, and your tendency to be lazy and stupid when it comes to the women you get with. This is your chance; this is as close to the “go to China and get rich” moment as many of you will ever come and you should wake your punk asses up and sieze the booty. I cannot say for sure if these awesome, brainy ladies actually want to date your smelly ass, but it’s possible because they have no real choice and women need loving. Ask Tyrone Davis about what a woman needs, or listen to my words:

A woman needs love.

I myself am studying this concept and doing my best. I fail. I misread. But my situation is much different than yours, O Single Laowai in the Land of Lonely Awesome Ladies. These women may not marry you. In fact, I am certain that most of you do not have what they want in a husband, but you are male and between now and the time when these ladies eventually “drop out of the race” you can give it your best shot.

Chinese women are fkn awesome man. Really, they treat you good, are more ambitious than you will ever be and … they’re Chinese … which means they will rule all in a few years time. And if you manage to snag one for good, your babies MAY look as good as mine. But probably not.

Bear Witness:

If you don't get em, these guys will.
Picture of Sascha Matuszak
Sascha Matuszak

8 thoughts on “Foreign Men, Represent

  1. Pingback: Hao Hao Report
  2. ‘my womb for your house’

    Hilarious… and true. What is a house if not an extended womb.

    Those are cute kids you’ve got there Sascha, BUT I have doubts as to the parentage… I can’t see a beard on either one of them. Suspicious Sascha, suspicious.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Editor's Pick

Sascha Matuszak© Copyright 2021. All Rights Reserved.