All last night i pooped out water and wandered between dream states with these lines from J-Dilla’s Jungle Love going through my head over and over

” … i won’t take it like Shaq from three … with out that loot ya instrumentals stay instrumentals”

But now daddy has the house to himself, the AC is on, the toilet is clean and close by and I am about to brew some anti-flame butt tea. Got Itunes on shuffle and a half smoked spliff on my window sill. These are the days that I will never again take for granted. Having children means these few hours of alone time are precious and extremely rejuvenating. I am not in the office, thank the Lord, but I am still working. Its all good.

Yesterday I was chilling with Brice and I started thinking to myself, this world is in a bad bad condition. Humanity spreads like a virus and seems incapable of determining where its headed, or why. Times like these are not rare in human history and that’s the very point. We are constantly on edge. Pressured. Stressed out and things only seem to be getting worse. Imagine the future and tell me what you see?

So i say to myself, “Self, you believe the world is going to hell, and yet you have two beautiful little boys. Why? What have you gotten them into? If it’s crazy now, what will it be like when Dorian and Damian are in their 20s, trying to figure it out?”

It scared me to think of it. But after some existential suffering, I realized that my duty to those two punks is to strive to make them better humans. That’s my contribution to humanity’s plight: the chance that my sons will be Lightbringers wherever they go.

And truthfully, being born human in a universe of energy and matter is a privilege — how long have the atoms that make up my sons waited for this chance to be the Eyes of God?


Sascha Matuszak
Sascha Matuszak

3 thoughts on “Poo issues

  1. Could anything be more depressing that wondering what type of future you’ve borne your children into, or rather – suspecting that you know what type of future?
    I can only show up in their lives as I would have them show up in the lives of others and pray that this gives them the tools they need to exist in whatever the world ends up being in the next 80 years.

    Sorry you’re not feeling well, eat some bananas rice toast applesauce and yogurt. But maybe not all at once.

  2. Not too much on my end, dude – except mothering three kids (including the 6’2″ 16-year old), leading the Girl Scout troop, heading back to college for international business and economics, holding down the bread/bacon providing job and trying to come to terms with being firmly in my mid-30’s – you know, life!

    I enjoy reading about your life in China. My youngest is headed there in four years, I expect he’ll live there at some point. It’s comforting to read about your exploits and adventures.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Sascha Matuszak© Copyright 2021. All Rights Reserved.