If you’re going to San Francisco

Get yourself a Mission Burrito. Have an Izze soda — my favorite is Sparkling Blueberry. Head to ChaChaCha and drink some Sangria. Put on a gimp suit and head to Castro or Folsom … check out the piers and strippers down on Broadway.

Get a tattoo at Goldfields: I did.

It says Equality in French. Sammy and Rippey have the other two …

Go to to North Beach and punch out an Italian. Then go have some pasta. Head out to Sunset and chill out on the beach, smoke Buddha and talk about the demise of the Federal government.

Laugh at Hipsters every chance you get. Truly, these outgrowths of the alternative “we love the Cure” community keep me in stitches. i mean the females of this tribe — and every other tribe actually — are tolerable and even quite attractive at times until they fix you with the “i hate men” glare. But the dudes. jesus. I guess that’s part of living on the west coast. I hear Portland is overrun with these people. Make fun of them without pause.

go to Oakland and peep the real life. have some chicken or BBQ somewhere and walk around. Try not to be scared.

Do all of these things and more. Give money to a bum, watch crack whores shoot up, wink at American Born Chinese/Japanese/Koreans, watch old Cantonese women waddle around and finger produce, have some biscuits and gravy, grow out yer ‘stache …

Look at billboards in rush hour and laugh out loud. bump yer music and trade sympathetic shrugs with the cholo as the traffic gets thicker. Forget about all that when you cross the Bay Bridge and peep the ocean …

I love the USA baby.

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Sascha Matuszak
Sascha Matuszak

3 thoughts on “If you’re going to San Francisco

  1. you may have won the grand prize at the stache bash. but next year you will have to fight sammy for the title. creepsters one and two…

  2. i could never hope to defeat Sammy in a stache vs. stache showdown. I’d have to add accessories and such. its good to be back.

    rindy: show us yer stache daddy.

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