So after a few days in the Twins aka Manyasspolice aka Mipples aka Minneapolis … I have the following to say:
1) It aint even that cold. I hear its a “heat wave” out here right now, but it aint even that cold. its like .. 36 or something. no problem. i might whine for a second or two as i try and make them yellow Spirits burn faster, but its all in my head so i just try and ignore the cold and imagine myself elsehwere. And that actually worked. but as soon as it worked, i was like, OMIGOD i just transported myself, then of course it ended. Like you can see a star better when you squint or look sideways .. the whole, ions disappearing once you look directly at em thing. God is a prankster.
2) there is a passive aggressive need to be gangster here that makes me want to gibber and dance around the bar and point at bearded pretenders and just laugh like a maniac. I mean for real. Only (bitchass) towns like the Twins — and I love minneapolis, but i know if oakland or houston or even kansas city came through we would throw our hands up and sign over the lakes for nothing — towns like the Twins feel the need to be SOOOOOOO tough. Cuz they aint. Its just one of those things. On the flipside, there are people here who see it all just like I do and they too are a little more crazy. They tend to be funny smart people. They tend to love their friends and feel the need to spread that love to strangers. They exist here. They are tribe. Pretenders though, make the real man go silent or go slightly mad. Or move to Houston.
3) I like blonde women. I like Minnesota women. They all corn fed and busty. Something about the six months of winter gets em a little more forward then you would expect. I was interrogated by three very minnesota girls outside a bar recently. One of them let her shoulder strap slide down to show alil-alotta skin and then just eyed me. The other two was eyein me too. I love it when women get all “i’m eyein you.”
4) me and my brother should only be together for brief periods. Not because we fight, cuz we dont, but because other people just caint handle the Truth.
5) Mika Shiozawa is the most beautiful woman on earth. (hey girl!)
6) Jake and Ciaran owe me money. I owe Matt and Chris money.
7) i better watch out or i’ll wake up married.