If I were single and still in the Game, I would hold myself and all others to an oath of silence on the sociological phenomenon of overeducated, fine-lookin, lonely young ladies populating Starbuxes all across China. But I am out of the game and busy raising two of the most handsome muggle men this world will ever see. If Chinese women are still searching for love by the time my sons reach their prime, then I can look forward to twilight years living vicariously through their benevolent efforts to bring contentment to the superhot outta-sight Chinese ladies out there in 2030.
But until that day, I call upon all you supermarket shopping laowai – with one hand on that cup of Nescafe on the other on some nasty hoz leg – to wake up to the aroma of gourmet coffee wafting through the air, searching for some nostrils, any nostrils, that can and will appreciate the excellence before it fades away with the evening wind …
Too often I see you drunken fools walk home with some scandalous ho because it’s easy. I know, you don’t have to tell me why. I too was drunk and foolish and I too shopped at walmart even when the specialty shop was throwing a grand sale … It’s too easy for you and you might as well take the girl who plops her soft booty into your lap rather than pursue the Queen across the room, watching you be wak and wondering to herself,
“Do all men want stupid?”
I urge you to reply with an emphatic Hell No.
This one goes out to E-Minor.
I was defeated on the field of battle, in front of women and friends, by an Afrosamurai Warrior. Not only was I beaten, but the manner in which I fell was particularly humiliating. While I stood transfixed and completely unsure of how to attack this Great Warrior, he danced about and stuck his left foot upside my head. Repeatedly. He laughed as he did this. The women laughed with him and clapped. I was the one reeling in place as the spectators whispered,
And he did, by sweeping my leg and sending me hurtling ass first to the hard dirt. Then he did a little jig and was off to the tents with the ladies and a big bag o dank. I dusted by self off, shook my fist at the heavens and swore revenge.